As I am nearing the end of my first trimester, the anxiety sets in. Is the baby in my tummy alive or did it go to heaven like the last one? Is something going to happen later on and devastate us to know end? Can I handle another miscarriage if it happens, or better yet, can Matthew? Did I do something to hurt the baby? Are these symptoms good news or bad news?

I envy those people who have had flawless pregnancies and never have these worries go through their heads. Like my sister in law (yes the same one who accused me of cheating) who is on her second perfect pregnancy. She told me I had to get over it. Nice.

I have been having these cramps; they started about 4 days ago and were just dull aches. They have now migrated to mostly my right side (though they do come up in other places) and are a constant dull pain with a bit of sharpness here and there. I am beyond worried right now. I just wish my Doppler would get here sooner and I wish that my appointment for the end of the week would come sooner.

I do have awesome news. I have a friend whom I have never met who struggled with infertility as well. She finally got her BFP this weekend. I am so happy for her I can’t even put it into words. I remember that feeling of “Oh two lines really CAN show up!” I just want to give a huge shout out to her and wish her the happiest and healthiest nine months ever.