April 22, 2008 - A tribute to my Angel in Heaven

Lately all I can talk about is the baby in my belly or the baby in Ethiopia. But always on my mind is the baby that made me a mommy. Last year at this time I was entering the hospital to have an emergency D&C. I had started spotting on April 14, 2007. I got an emergency u/s on Thursday, April 19. That is when I learned my baby went to heaven.

It seems like a blue, like it never really happened. But it did and it changed me forever. I no longer have the innocence of pregnancy. I know the reality. But I feel so blessed for having known her even if for only a short while. And I know she still looks down from heaven and watches over me when I need her the most. Some say she wasn't ready to be born so she went back to get ready. And now that I am pregnant this is her trying it again. I am not sure if I believe that or not. I think when I meet this baby I will just know.

Over the past year I have heard many songs that make me think of her. One is Missing an Angel by Jonny Reid. The only difference is after mending her wing she did fly back. And I am the one missing her.

Ain’t it funny how life

Is measured in time

Ain’t it funny how faith

Never leaves it too late

I heard a heavenly song

And I started singing along

Still I cant believe

That you sent her here to me

(Chorus)

She fell from the sky

Right into my life

Through a hole in the cloud

All my friends are looking now

I found her crying in the rain

Well I helped mend her wing

When she never flew back

Lord I new for a fact

That you were missing an angel

(Verse 2)

Well is she here to save us all

Or just to catch me when I fall

Is she part of your plan?

To make me a better man

Every night I say a prayer

That in the morning she’ll be there

And if I die before I wakeI’ll chalk it up to give or take

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Precious Little Baby,

Your face I've never seen.

Your skin I've never touched before,

Nor held you close to me.

You lived inside my body,

But only for a while;

Till Jesus softly whispered,"Come home my little child."

You must have been a special child;

If God needed you up there.

Because heaven is a better home,

It's beauty can't compare.

So, till I get to heaven,

And see your shining face;

Jesus will take care of you,

And love you in my place.

Yes, Jesus loves His little lambs,

They sit around His throne;

So sit on Jesus' lap dear child-

-Till Mommy gets called home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But as if in almost a strange fate, the song that has gotten me through the most is playing on the radio right now, so I will leave you with it and a heavy heart.

Seether - Rise Above This lyrics

Take the light, undarken everything around me

Call the clowns and listen closely, i'm lost without you

Call your name every day when i feel so helpless

I'm fallin' down but i'll rise above this, rise above this

Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken

For all we know, this void will grow and

Everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open

Feels so right, but i'll end this all before it gets me

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless

I'm fallin' down, but i'll rise above this, rise above this

Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless

I'm fallin' down, but i'll rise above this, rise above this doubt

I'll mend myself before it gets me (i'll mend myself before it gets me)

I'll mend myself before it gets me (i'll mend myself before it gets me)

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless

I'm fallin' down, but i'll rise above this, rise above this

Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless

I'm fallin' down, but i'll rise above this, rise above this

Forty eight ways to say that i'm feelin' helpless

Fallin' down, fallin down', but i'll rise above this, rise above this