Saturday, January 17, 2009

Thanks Michelle

Your comments made me cry. I expected everything to be hard but yet it still surprised. I do have a wonderful husband - just this weekend he packed up Nevaeh and took her to be with the grandparents so I could have a weekend to myself. I somehow turned it into a bad thing, I think my hormones are still off. I realize now he was trying to help but at the time I saw him taking her away from me.

He has been off of work pretty much since she was born and I just think he has been around too much. He helps a ton with Nevaeh but not much else. So I spend all my time with chores instead of enjoying her. But if I don't do it noone will.

As for the sex life, I am sure it will get back on track but right now I feel so ugly. I am only about 8 pounds from pre-pregnancy and just lost 10 in the past couple weeks but I have all this loose skin and still more pounds to lose. I honestly don't feel attractive and therefore can't see how anyone else could. It doesn't help my sis keeps reminding me I am overweight.\

Like I said, many inner problems. But no matter how horrible things get or how bad I feel, I just look at the angel that has entered our lives and I thank God she is here. She is my saving grace, my reason for being here. Now I know what the phrase a mother's love truly means - and it is wonderful.

3 comments:

Michelle said...

Aww Jenn. Sorry I made you cry!

You may be right with what you said about Merle being basically home since Nevaeh came home. It hasn't given you a chance to find your groove as a Mom.

And the saggy skin, sorry, but it'll never be the same. It'll definitely firm up some in the next year or so though. It's hard to be a good lover when you're self conscious about your body. Been there, done that. For us, it just took some time. No amount of lingerie, alcohol, or pedicures cured the deep down feeling I had that Craig didn't find me sexy anymore. But he's still with me and he still pinches my bum when I'm doing the dishes to indicate to me that he wants me to meet him upstairs.

Time heals a lot of things Jenn. Hormones included! :)

KateMV said...

Jenn, you're beautiful! There's so much adjusting that goes on during this first year, I think, and we all have this sense that we're supposed to do it perfectly. Hormones are crazy, housework is endless, our bodies don't feel anything like what they used to feel like... I'm still 15 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight and the other day I looked in the mirror and realized I looked about six months pregnant ... not where I want to be! I know I'll get there eventually, but how..? Anyway, I think you look great. I really do.

I, too, often feel like I don't get the "quality time" with Nora that I want. During the last two months I've made a real effort to spend a little time with her every day that is NOT related to feeding, changing, errands, or grocery shopping (all endless tasks). It has made a difference.

I find that I often need to just sit back and give up a little. The house is a little messier, but I'm a little more stable.

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