What next?

If you are or ever have been pregnant, I am sure you have read books like 'What to expect when you are expecting'. What they should write is 'All the stuff that noone wants to tell you because they had to find out on their own'.

It is the simple things I curse and don't find out till its too late. For example - I have an ingrown toenail on my foot. Simple right? You just file off the sharp part and away you go. That is until you try to manuever with a beach ball in front of you. I can't see my feet at the best of times, let alone now!

Also, a crude but necessary one, how the hell do you wipe your butt? At home I can dance around the mirror and make due, but what about at work when there is only stalls? And I have 2.5 months to go? Good Lord!

Here's another one, how to pee and wipe without getting any on your hand. It never fails, no matter how long I wait after the stream is done, the minute I start to wipe I pee on my hand. This is just getting disgusting.

I continually fart, no matter who is around. I was introduced to a new big wig at work and my office smelled like ass. They tried not to notice but you could tell. And right when Matt is giving me a massage or paying some attention to me, I let one go. It is so passed the point of funny because it is so involuntary.

And to top it off my pants keep shrinking. What fit around the thighs and butt a few days ago no longer does. Either they are shrinking or the damn dryer gnomes keep switching them with a smaller size. What? That has happened before!