Water is not my friend

I remember laughing at my sister's cankles, I think I am getting my payback.

I noticed yesterday that I had to retire my rings for fear they would have to be cut off. Then last night I noticed my ankles were, well, gone. I put my feet up for the rest of the night and by morning they were back to normal so I thought I just overdid it. Well within an hour they were swollen again. So here I type with my feet on my desk (not an easy task). Our trip will be interesting because we have 2 straight days of 12 hours each in the car. Putting my feet up is not the problem. Its the fact that I will have to drink alot of water which means peeing alot which means hubby gets grumpy. But he has been really good about everything - running around grabbing me things so I don't have to get up. He is truly a great guy.

I will spare you details because I know a lot of friends and family read this but Matt has had concerns about the baby that has prevented certain marital duties. He has even polled friends and family to see what their take on it was. He is not only scared he will hurt the baby but it also seems weird to him. Well bless the poor boy but he was so tired on the weekend from yard work yet still bucked up and, well, you know. I never realized how flexible I was before until I am not anymore. And good lord it is hard with 2 buddha bellies! Let's just say I laughed a lot. :)

fatty mcfattsen

It is one thing to feel fat. It is another thing for someone who is prominent in your life to call you fat.

Let me back up.

I am closing in on 23 weeks and I think my current 18 pound gain is acceptable. Sure I wish it was a bit lower but honestly, I am still within the guidelines for a healthy pregnancy. And for the most part it is all belly. Yes there is some deposits on my but and thighs but give me a break! When baby asks for icecream I have to give it to her!

Well I have someone - not going to name names, not even fake ones - who has currently lost quite a bit of weight. She went from a size 12 to an 8, maybe even a six. She made some changes in her life and weight was one of them. Good for her, I was happy. She had always been heavier than me and now she is not. But she has turned into a total biotch. Not only is she dressy trampy but she takes every opportunity to me how hot she is or how someone checked her out. And lately - how fat I have gotten. HELLO! I am pregnant! Now is not the time to be dieting for me.

When she was pregnant, she gain 75 pounds. I never said a word till a couple days before delivery and I said nice waddle - I was joking. Well now she is taking every opportunity to tell me how fat I am. Not only does it hurt but it pisses me off. I am not the one with all my goodies hanging out. I at least have the decency to cover up.

I've changed my mind

As much as I love this little baby and want to meet her, I am not going to give birth to her. Nope - no way.

I was under the impression that the 9 months leading up to labour were the worst. Yes I know labour is bad but when you talk to people they always tell you about the morning sickness, water retention, sore muscles, hemroids etc. Nobody tells you about all those little things that can happen before during or after labour.

I just read a website where women posted about things they wished they would have known. I wish I would have read it before getting pregnant or I just might still be on birth control.

First, the pain. I know its coming, but I didn't know to what degree. And then the epidural which itself is great but comes with all its extras like a catheter. And is it really going to be that painful to poo and pee after??

I am honestly sitting here shaking thinking what the hell did I do? I had a d&c so I know what it is like to be swollen down there but honestly it wasn't too bad. And I had a HSG where they shot dye through my tubes so I have dealt with bad cramping but that is where my pain history ends.

Everyone tells me it is worth it. But that doesn't help quench my fears. I don't want to be in pain from pooing when I should be holding my baby. Oh why oh why can't men have the kids?

Another day, another day closer

I have been asked if this baby makes everything better. I assume this means does it take away the heartache of losing the first. The answer is no. There is no band-aid that will ever fix that hole in my heart. I still mourn my angel. I still mourn the 4 years of my life I lost while consumed with trying to conceive. I will forever be cautious and I will never take a pregnancy for granted.

I know when I hold my baby, my thoughts of my angel may get farther and farther apart, but they will always be there.

I was told that when miscarriages happen, the baby is not ready and when he/she is, they will come back. Now knowing this one is a girl, I have to say I am a bit curious whether this is my angel baby just ready this time. I guess we will never know.

I am in love

I can't believe how I have gone all my life without this child. I am so in love already. Every tiny little kick (or punch or shove or whatever she is doing in there) makes me smile so big. She is my world, everything I do I think of her. We were putting in underground sprinklers and all I could think about is how she is going to love the lush yard once its done. We are buying a new sofa and all I can think is how she will be climbing all over it.

It certainly brings new perspective on life. Life is no longer about me, life is about her.

Knock me over with a feather!

Well I have an incredibly active baby in there. They had to bring in extra people to do the measurements because the baby kept kicking the probe. But everything looks great, measurements are good, weighs 1 pound and the tech is 95% sure its a girl! She got a good look between the legs a couple times and never saw any extra appendages.

I will post a couple of the u/s pics but I warn you, they are so blurry from my active baby that you can barely tell what it is.

Sorry I look so angry... 21 weeks 2 days

cramps, pains and aches, oh my!

Well here I am, just 2 days shy of 22 weeks and I think I am falling apart. This pregnancy thing is not what it is cracked up to be, lol. Between the first 17 weeks of naseua and now this, I am wondering why people do this more than once.

I have got severe round ligament pain, so bad that I can barely get out of bed in the morning. It pulls and hurts. My back is starting to ache and I have carpel tunnel syndrome causing my hands to tingle. But I am not complaining, :). And looking back when it is all done I am sure I will remember the 2 weeks I felt great.

I also can't help but think about angel baby today. Maybe because I will get to see the new baby on the screen today. My heart breaks though that I never got to see the first one alive on the screen. This just goes to show you you never forget.

I will check back later with some pics of my hopefully healthy baby and what's between his/her legs.

Getting closer to the ultrasound!

I can't believe that in just a few short days, we will know who is inside me (and by the way - beatingt he crap out of me at night.) It is going to be so exciting to see the little guy/girl. Right now me and my brother in law are the only ones that think boy. Everyone else including Matt thinks girl. I don't see how when his family is dominated by boys.

Matt felt his first kick on Saturday. I had been feeling them sporadically for 2 weeks but it wasn't until Friday I had noticed that if I put pressure from the outside I could feel it that way. So while watching a movie on Saturday I realized baby was kicking and told Matt. He proceeded to put his hand on my belly, and we waited. Nothing. So I grabbed some pop and that worked. He felt it! (I had to point it out because it was so light but he felt it none the less). Now he wants me to constantly drink pop so he can feel it all the time. I think its great.

So I realize I have not posted a belly pic in a while, sorry! I will soon, I promise. Since Matt is home now it can include my face!