Sorry I haven't been keeping up. Things are getting away on me. Pumpkin is doing fine and growing like a weed. Me, on the other hand, some post pardum.
I miss being pregnant. I miss being thin. I miss having things surround me. And also, I am still very much jealous of pregnant people. Why is that? Will I never be happy for anyone again? Will I always be miserable because I was miserable for so long? Will I ever forgive those who can get pregnant easily?
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This post hits close to home for me and I feel compelled to say something. I'm not sure how I found your blog, but I did, and here I am! I, too, struggled with fertility and recently had a baby. My son is 6 months old now and is the joy of my life. But, like you, I painfully missed pregnancy after he was born. I was terribly jealous of pregnant women. And... I suffered from PPD (post-partum depression). It's hard to understand because all we (people like you and I) wanted for so long was to have a baby. We finally have one - but things are still "off". Please talk to your doctor - he/she can help! After many, many meltdowns, my husband convinced me to talk to my doc. My doc reassured me that this is not uncommon, a lot of women experience this. I'm on some mild meds to help with the anxiety and depression. (The meds are safe for breastfeeding.) I feel so much better and happier. I still miss pregnancy. I am still a little envious of pregnant women. But I'm able to cope much better with these feelings and accept my new life as a mom. A lot of people don't understand PPD. It does not mean we don't love our babies. I love him more than life itself. But I needed some help to get my hormones and emotions back in line so I could be the best mom possible for him!
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