So... whats next?

I have spent the last almost 5 years of my life concentrating on one thing. Sure there were distractions but overall it was all about creating a family. So now I have one, now what?

I honestly wonder where I fit in sometimes. My husband and I have been beyond blessed when it comes to financials. We both have extremely good jobs, a beautiful home which we bought when the market was low, every toy and holiday we every wanted, yet that is being held against us. There are family members who think because we did some home renos that were needed that we are throwing it in their face. Even though 6 years ago when we were struggling on one measly income because I was in school and drowning from that debt and they took that opportunity to laugh at us because they all had jobs and no debt. Now the tables are turned, they were not smart with their money now they are struggling. So we are not allowed to buy something because it is rubbing it in their faces.

Or there is still the inlaws who still treat me like second class. I invited them up to the city to give them a computer. They only payment they had was to come visit. They never even stopped in here, went straight to the other family. Thanks. I am sick of not being appreciated.

Or there is my family who is so falling all over the one family member because she is starting over. It is because of her that she is starting over but we should all bend over backwards.

Where was I going? Oh yeah. So now what? I imagined this time to be great, instead I find myself tiptoeing around family. I don't dare mention my struggles, everyone else has them worse.

I don't know. I am rambling. I am at one of those times in life I just wonder what it is all for.

I don't understand

Yet another family member is pregnant with an oops. Just got married, just bought a house, everything is bloody perfect. I have my beautiful baby and I am very happy for her but I am I jealous?? Is this feeling of why me going to stay with me forever?? I hate feeling like this, I hate wanting to cry every time I hear of someone else pregnant. I am not an awful person!